i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
