Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
