So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
