I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
