i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
