Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just had sex bonerless
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
