She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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