god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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