well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
