I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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