Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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