I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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