his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
