Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
