I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
