Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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