I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
