she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
