Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
