I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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