My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
