I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
