Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
