Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
