idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
