Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
