Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
