nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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