went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There are leaves in my underwear?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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