I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
