I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
