Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize