Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Randomize
