when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Randomize
