I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
