Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
