3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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