have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
