Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
