OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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