i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
