can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Who died my cat blue again?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
