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so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
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at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
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The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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