Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
