he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
