I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
