so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Even my vagina gasped.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
