I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize