This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
