Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
