come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
