Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
