i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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