By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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