I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
