So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
