Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
