woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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