My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
