i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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