It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You ruined the universe
I currently don't understand fingers.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
