I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
